There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
