Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
God, I missed his penis.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
