I seem to have left my pride at pride
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
