Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
