Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
