Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You are a genius and a whore.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
