oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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