I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
