That's intense
Where is the hickey?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize