I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
