Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
