Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
