Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
