In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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