I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
