AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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