No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
