I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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