Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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