So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
