How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
