If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
