You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The best revenge is premature balding
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
