So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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