I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
