Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
