All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
