Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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