I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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