i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
