it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
