If i come over, it means nothing
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
