lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
