The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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