Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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