Im at strip club and am horny
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
