Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
