I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
