i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
