BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
