They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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