Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
