I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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