I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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