good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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