He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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