apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
