I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
