ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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