thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
