do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
