When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
